10 Reasons Your Marriage Isn't Working (And How to Save It Biblically)

Austin Gardner • January 25, 2026

Biblical Wisdom for Struggling Marriages, Communication Problems, and Emotional Distance

Let me be honest with you.

After fifty years of ministry: and over fifty years of marriage: I've sat across the table from countless couples who were ready to give up. Tired. Frustrated. Wondering if they'd made the biggest mistake of their lives.

And here's what I've learned: most struggling marriages aren't broken beyond repair. They're just starving.

Starving for grace. Starving for honest communication. Starving for the kind of sacrificial love that only comes when Christ is at the center.

If your marriage feels like it's hanging by a thread today, I want you to know something: there is hope. Not a naive, wishful-thinking kind of hope: but a biblical, battle-tested hope rooted in the God who invented marriage in the first place.

So let's talk about what's really going wrong: and more importantly, how to save your marriage biblically.

1. You've Stopped Fighting For Each Other (And Started Fighting Against Each Other)

Here's a question: When was the last time you saw your spouse as your teammate instead of your opponent?

Many marriages fail because couples start keeping score. Who did the dishes last? Who apologized first? Who sacrificed more?

But Scripture paints a different picture. In Genesis 2:24, God says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

One flesh. Not two scorekeepers. Not adversaries. One.

When you fight against your spouse, you're fighting against yourself. The biblical solution? Stop keeping score and start fighting for the same team.

2. You've Let Communication Die

Here's a hard truth: your spouse cannot read your mind.

I know: it feels like they should. After all these years, shouldn't they just know what you need?

But assumptions kill marriages. Poor communication breeds misunderstanding, resentment, and loneliness: even when you're living under the same roof.

Ephesians 4:29 tells us, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

Notice that? Our words should minister grace. Not wound. Not accuse. Not stonewall.

Start talking again. And more importantly: start listening.

3. Selfishness Has Crept In

Marriage is the death of selfishness. Or at least, it's supposed to be.

But we live in a culture that screams, "You deserve to be happy! Put yourself first!" And slowly, subtly, that message seeps into our homes.

The biblical model is radically different. Philippians 2:3-4 says, "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others."

Sacrificial love isn't glamorous. It's daily. It's doing the dishes when you're tired. It's apologizing when you'd rather be right. It's choosing your spouse's good over your own comfort.

That's the Jesus way. And it's the only way marriages truly thrive.

4. You've Lost Sight of Christ at the Center

This is the big one.

When God is not at the center of your marriage, everything else slowly falls apart. You start relying on your spouse to meet needs only God can fill. You expect perfection from an imperfect person. And when they fail you: and they will: bitterness takes root.

But when Christ is at the center? Grace flows. Forgiveness becomes possible. Love becomes sustainable.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, "And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

That third strand is Jesus. Without Him, you're just two broken people trying to hold it together. With Him, you have a foundation that can weather any storm.

5. Unrealistic Expectations Are Crushing You

Did you enter marriage thinking it would complete you? Fix your loneliness? Make all your problems disappear?

Many of us did. And when reality hit: when the honeymoon faded and real life showed up: we felt cheated.

But here's the truth: your spouse was never meant to be your savior. Only Jesus can fill that role.

When you release your spouse from impossible expectations, you free them to love you as they actually can: imperfectly, but genuinely.

6. You've Stopped Pursuing Each Other

Remember when you were dating? The intentionality. The effort. The desire to know everything about them.

What happened?

Life happened. Kids happened. Bills happened. And somewhere along the way, pursuit turned into coexistence.

But marriage requires ongoing pursuit. Song of Solomon is an entire book dedicated to the beauty of romantic love and pursuit within marriage. It's not just for newlyweds: it's for all of us.

Date your spouse again. Pursue them like you're still trying to win their heart. Because in a sense, you are.

7. Unforgiveness Is Poisoning Everything

Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Every marriage will have wounds. Disappointments. Betrayals big and small. The question is: will you let those wounds fester, or will you let grace do its healing work?

Colossians 3:13 instructs, "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye."

Even as Christ forgave you. That's the standard. Not because your spouse deserves it: but because you've been forgiven far more.

8. Financial Stress Is Tearing You Apart

Money problems are one of the top reasons marriages crumble. Not because money is evil: but because it reveals what we truly trust and value.

Are you fighting about spending? Hiding purchases? Feeling resentful about who earns more?

The biblical solution isn't a budget hack. It's a heart change. When you view everything you have as belonging to God: and steward it together as partners: the grip of financial anxiety loosens.

Seek unity. Make decisions together. And remember: your marriage is worth more than any bank account.

9. You've Let Intimacy Fade

Intimacy isn't just physical: though that matters too. It's emotional. Spiritual. It's the deep knowing and being known that marriage was designed for.

When intimacy fades, loneliness creeps in. And loneliness in marriage is one of the most painful kinds.

Rebuild connection. Talk about your fears. Pray together. Be vulnerable. Physical intimacy often follows emotional and spiritual closeness.

10. You've Given Up on Growth

Here's the final reason: you've stopped growing: individually and together.

A stagnant marriage is a dying marriage. But a marriage where both partners are pursuing Christ, learning, and becoming more like Him? That marriage has an unlimited ceiling.

Keep learning. Keep stretching. Keep inviting God into the broken places.

There Is Hope for Your Marriage

If you've seen yourself in any of these ten reasons, take heart. Recognition is the first step toward restoration.

I've written extensively about how to build a marriage that honors God and brings deep fulfillment. If you're ready to go deeper, I'd love for you to pick up my book, The Ultimate Guide to Building a Healthy and Fulfilling Marriage. It's packed with practical, biblical wisdom from decades of ministry and marriage.

And if you want to explore more about resting in God's unconditional love: which transforms every relationship: check out the full article on The Big Leap of Faith: Believing God Loves You Exactly As You Are over at the Hub.

Your marriage is worth fighting for. And with Christ at the center, the best days can still be ahead.