For over five decades, I thought I knew exactly how the Christian life worked. Specifically, I believed that if I worked hard enough, sacrificed enough, and stayed consistent enough, then God would be pleased with me. I spent fifty years on a treadmill of religious performance, running as fast as I could but never actually arriving at a place of peace. I was a missionary, a pastor, and a mentor, yet I was exhausted.

However, everything changed when my body finally gave out. In a short span of time, I faced Stage 4 Kidney Cancer and a brutal battle with COVID-19. Suddenly, I couldn't "do" anything for God anymore. I couldn't preach, I couldn't lead, and I couldn't even stand up on some days. In that brokenness, I discovered that my 50-year mistake was trying to power my life through effort instead of resting in the finished work of Jesus.



Phase 1: The Breaking of the Performance Need

When you are staring at a Stage 4 diagnosis, the "treadmill of performance" stops being an option. Consequently, I had to face the reality of who I was without my titles and my works. For years, I had been fueled by a subtle fear that if I slowed down, God’s favor might slow down too. Meanwhile, the cancer was forcing me into a place where I had to be still.

I realized during those long nights in the hospital that I had been trying to earn what God had already given me. Therefore, the sickness wasn't a punishment; it was a pivot point. It broke the need to perform because I simply lacked the strength to do it. You can see more of that journey in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9Pzi9hWCfc.

Specifically, I learned that “The Christian life was never meant to be powered by fear, pressure, or performance. It was meant to be lived from being loved first.” This realization changed the way I viewed every single morning.

Phase 2: The Core Concept (The Airplane Principle)

To understand this shift, you have to understand what I call the Airplane Principle. Imagine you are flying from Atlanta to Lima, Peru. Once you step onto that plane, you are "in" the airplane. Consequently, you don't have to run up and down the aisle to help the plane move faster. You don't have to flap your arms to keep it in the air.

Religion is constantly telling you to "Do." It tells you to flap harder, run faster, and try more. In contrast, Grace says, "Done." When we are "in Christ," His victory becomes our victory.

Ephesians 1:3 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:"

Because I am in Christ, I already have the blessings. I don't work for them; I live from them. For fifty years, I was trying to push the airplane. Now, I am finally sitting in the seat and letting the "Finished Work" carry me. This is the difference between the Law and the New Covenant. The Law demands, but Grace supplies.

Phase 3: The Identity Switch (Identity Termination)

The biggest hurdle for most of us is our old identity. We think we are just "sinners saved by grace" who are still struggling to be good enough. Nevertheless, the Bible teaches something much more radical: Identity Termination. The old Austin Gardner was crucified with Christ. He is gone. He was canceled by the cross, and a new man was raised in his place.

Galatians 2:20 "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me."

Stop trying to fix your old self. That version of you is dead. Instead, start being who God says you already are. Furthermore, you must realize that your worth is not a sliding scale based on your morning devotions. As I often say: “God is not disappointed in you. He is not measuring your worth by your consistency.”

If you find yourself struggling to believe this, you aren't alone. It takes a big leap of faith to believe that God loves you exactly as you are, without any of the religious window dressing.

Phase 4: Practical Leadership and the Covenant

This shift in identity changes how I lead. For years, I felt the heavy weight of results. If a church didn't grow or a protégé failed, I felt it reflected my standing with God. However, when you lead from the "Victory of the Covenant," the weight is gone.

Specifically, I now lead with authority but without the pressure. I know that the results belong to Him. My job is simply to stay in the rest of grace. Consequently, I can be honest about my failures and my pain without fearing that I’ve lost my "leadership points."

When people tried to have me canceled or when injustice came my way, I didn't have to fight for my reputation. Why? Because my reputation is hidden in Christ. When you know you are "Followed by Mercy," you don't have to look over your shoulder in fear of what people say. You are leading from a place of being fully known and fully loved.

Psalm 23:6 "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."

Phase 5: Grace at Home with Betty

Perhaps the most beautiful place where I’ve fixed this 50-year mistake is in my marriage. Betty and I have been married for over 52 years (since August 18, 1973). For a long time, even in marriage, there can be a "scorecard." You did this for me, so I’ll do this for you.

However, grace removes the scorecard. In our home now, we focus on the "Rest of Grace." We don't pressure each other to perform. Specifically, we have learned that loved people become loving people. When I rest in God’s love, I am much easier for Betty to live with.

Moreover, we’ve realized that “Rest doesn't come after you fix yourself. Rest comes first.” We don't wait until our relationship is perfect to enjoy peace; we start with peace, and that allows us to work through the imperfections of life with kindness.

Conclusion: A Pastoral Call to Rest

Friend, if you are tired of the treadmill, it is time to get off. You don't have to wait for a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis to realize that Jesus is enough. You might feel like you are behind or that you’ve wasted years trying to earn God’s favor. But remember: You are not being graded. You are being held.

The "Followed by Mercy" life is available to you right now. Consequently, you can stop striving and start abiding. You are safe in His love. You are secure in His finished work. The mistake of performance can be fixed the moment you decide to trust His grace more than your effort.

Land in this assurance today: God is for you. Christ is enough. You can finally rest.

FAQ: Understanding the Rest of Grace

What does it mean to "lead from victory" instead of "for victory"?
Leading for victory means you are working hard to achieve a result so you can feel successful or accepted. Leading from victory means you recognize that Christ has already won the ultimate battle, so you work from a place of security and rest, regardless of the immediate outcome.

How do I stop the "performance" mindset when I've lived that way for years?
The first step is Identity Termination, realizing that your old, performance-driven self was crucified with Christ. You must consciously remind yourself that your standing with God is based on Jesus’ consistency, not yours, and that He is not disappointed in your struggle.

Can grace really work in a marriage that feels stuck in "scorekeeping"?
Yes, because grace changes the motivation from "earning" to "responding." When both partners begin to see how much they are unconditionally loved by God, the need to demand performance from each other begins to melt away, replaced by mutual mercy.

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