I’ve seen some of the most dedicated "holy men" you could imagine. Men who knew the Book from cover to cover. Men who wouldn't dream of missing a service or breaking a moral code. Yet, as I look back and look around today, I can’t help but notice a glaring problem. We seem to be missing the very ingredient that Jesus said would be our calling card.

We are missing love.

It is a strange and heartbreaking sight. We have the right doctrines, the right political stances, and the right moral outrage, but where is the fruit? If you look at the list of the Fruit of the Spirit, the very first one mentioned is love. It isn't "correct voting records" or "strict rule-keeping." It is love. So why is it that so many Christians are known for being angry, judgmental, and political instead of being known for the way they care for people?

The Identification Badge We Forgot to Wear

Jesus was very clear about how the world would recognize us. He didn't say they would know us by our cross necklaces or our church buildings. He didn't even say they would know us by how hard we preach against the culture's sins.

John 13:35 “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

Specifically, Jesus said love is the mark. However, if you ask the average person on the street what they think of when they think of "preachers" or "Christians," they usually describe someone who is mad. They see a person who is angry at the world, mad at the youth for being "ruined," and more concerned with pushing a political agenda than showing mercy.

I’ve seen this personally. I spent years in a version of Christianity that was all about grit and performance. I thought being "holy" meant being strict. I thought being "faithful" meant being against everything. But I’ve learned that you can be "right" about every doctrine and still be completely wrong because you lack the heart of the Father.

Is the Modern Church Losing Its Soul to Culture Wars?

I often wonder if the modern church is so worried about losing its "moral values" that it has actually lost its soul. We get so caught up in the cultural and political fights of the day that we forget our primary mission is to represent a God who is love.

I see it every day on Facebook. Preachers are screaming into the digital void, telling everyone not to be "soft" on the gospel. They warn against "sugar-coating" the message. They act as if talking about the love of God is some kind of compromise. They are angry that some of us are moving toward a message of grace and rest.

But let me ask you: when did love become "soft"? Love is the most powerful force in the universe. It was love that sent Jesus to the cross. It was love that held Him there. Grace isn't a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of God’s overwhelming strength to forgive the unforgivable. When we prioritize political alignment, like being proudly Republican or Democrat, over the command to love our neighbors, we are trading our eternal inheritance for a bowl of political pottage.

Why "Holy Men" Struggle to Love

It is hard to understand how men who claim to be so close to God can be so mean-spirited. I’ve sat in meetings with "great men of God" who were harsh to their wives, dismissive of their children, and downright cruel to their staff. They were "holy" in the sense that they didn't smoke, drink, or chew, but they lacked the first fruit of the Spirit.

The reason for this is simple: you cannot give what you haven't truly received.

Many of these men are still living under a system of performance. They are "grunting" and "gritting" their way through life, trying to earn God’s favor. When you believe your standing with God is based on your performance, you become a harsh taskmaster to yourself, and eventually, you become a harsh taskmaster to everyone else. You can't be gracious to others if you haven't accepted the radical grace of God for yourself.

This is why The Big Leap of Faith is so vital. You have to believe that God loves you exactly as you are, not as you should be. Until you rest in that love, you will always be a rule-pusher instead of a life-giver.

Hating Sin Because It Hurts People

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying we should ignore sin. I hate sin. But I’ve changed my mind about why I hate it. I don't hate sin because it breaks a religious rule or makes me look bad. I hate sin because it hurts people.

Sin is destructive. It destroys marriages, it ruins lives, and it breaks hearts. Because I love people, I hate the things that hurt them. But we have flipped it. We often act like we love the "rules" and hate the people who break them.

Jesus did the opposite. He loved the sinner so much that He was willing to be labeled a "friend of sinners." He didn't sugar-coat the reality of sin, but His primary posture was one of invitation, not condemnation. If we want to be like Him, we have to stop being known for what we are against and start being known for what we are for. We are for restoration. We are for hope. We are for mercy.

Romans 5:8 “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Loved People Become Loving People

The answer to the missing ingredient isn't to try harder to be loving. You can't "try" to grow fruit. An apple tree doesn't wake up and struggle to make apples; it just stays connected to the roots, and the fruit happens.

Our job is to stay connected to the love of God. We need to stop auditioning for God and start resting in His finished work. When you truly realize that you are a beloved child of God and that His mercy is following you every single day, it changes the way you look at the world. You stop being mad at the "ruined" young people and start seeing them as sheep without a shepherd. You stop being a political operative and start being a minister of reconciliation.

The world doesn't need more angry preachers. It needs more people who have been so overwhelmed by the grace of God that they can't help but let that grace spill over onto everyone they meet.

“Loved people become loving people.”

If you feel like you've been known more for your rules than for your heart, I want to invite you to take a breath. God isn't disappointed in you. He isn't grading your consistency. He is holding you. Rest in His love today, and let that love be the ingredient that changes everything.

For more on how to walk in this kind of freedom, check out the Followed by Mercy podcast or join our community at Alignment Ministries.

Where Did the Love Go? The Fruit of the Spirit and the Church’s Missing Ingredient

FAQ: The Missing Ingredient of Love

Why do some preachers seem so angry or political?
Often, this stems from fear or a performance-based mindset. When someone feels they must "save the culture" on their own, they become stressed and harsh. They often reflect a view of God that is more about judgment than the finished work of Christ.

Is it wrong for a Christian to be against sin?
Not at all, but the motivation matters. We should hate sin because it is destructive to the people God loves, not because we want to feel morally superior. Our primary mark should always be love, even when we are standing for truth.

How can I become more loving if I feel naturally critical?
You don't become more loving by "trying harder." You become more loving by experiencing more of God’s love for you. As you rest in His grace and realize you are fully accepted, that love naturally begins to flow out of you toward others.

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