I remember watching my oldest daughter imitate how I walked across the room when she was three years old. She had my gestures down perfectly: the way I tilted my head, the way I put my hands in my pockets. It was adorable and terrifying at the same time.



Because in that moment, I realized: She's not just watching me when I'm trying to teach her something. She's watching me all the time.

And that question hit me hard: If she follows my exact footsteps, not what I say, but how I actually live, where will she end up?

The Sobering Reality of 1 Kings 22:52

1 Kings 22:52

> And he did evil in the sight of the LORD, and walked in the way of his father, and in the way of his mother, and in the way of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who made Israel to sin.

This verse is about King Ahaziah. He took the throne, and he had a choice. He could have broken the cycle. He could have said, "My parents got it wrong. I'm going to do this differently."

But he didn't.

Instead, he walked in the way of his father, Ahab. He walked in the way of his mother, Jezebel. He walked in the way of Jeroboam, who had led an entire nation into idolatry generations earlier.

He inherited their sins. He reproduced their rebellion. And the result? 2 Kings 1:18 records his downfall and shame. His life ended in disgrace because he followed the wrong footsteps.

That's not just a history lesson. That's a mirror.

The Footsteps Question We Need to Ask

Here's the question I've had to ask myself more times than I can count:

If my children follow my exact footsteps: not my sermons, not my advice, but my actual day-to-day life: where will they end up?

Will they love God? Will they love the Bible? Will they love the church? Will they have strong marriages? Will they know how to confess sin and ask for forgiveness? Will they treat people with grace?

Or will they learn to perform, to hide, to fake it, to keep up appearances while their hearts grow cold?

That's the weight of example. And it's heavier than any sermon I've ever preached.

I've spent over 50 years in ministry. I've preached thousands of sermons. I've written books. I've mentored pastors. But at the end of the day, the most important message I'll ever preach is the one my family sees when I'm tired, frustrated, or disappointed.

Because children don't just listen to what we teach. They follow what we do.

The Weight of Example: What Are We Modeling?

Here's what I've learned the hard way: Our kids are not taking notes on our Sunday best. They're watching how we treat their mom on Tuesday night.

They're watching:

• How we respond when we're criticized
• How we handle money
• How we talk about people who aren't in the room
• Whether we pray when life is hard or just complain
• Whether we actually read the Bible or just preach about it
• Whether we admit when we're wrong
• Whether grace is louder than pressure in our home

Ahaziah's parents modeled idolatry, manipulation, and pride. And he reproduced it perfectly.

What are we modeling?

I had to take an honest inventory of my own life. And it wasn't always pretty.

There were seasons where I was so focused on ministry that I neglected my marriage. There were times I was harsh with my kids because I was tired and frustrated. There were moments I acted like I had it all together when I was falling apart inside.

And my kids saw it. They saw the gap between what I preached and how I lived.

That gap? That's where faith dies in the next generation.

Do They See That Salvation Is Real in Us?

One of the most important questions I've had to wrestle with is this: Do my kids see that salvation is real in my life?

Not just positionally. Not just theologically. But practically.

Do they see me confess my sin? Do they hear me say, "I was wrong. Will you forgive me?" Do they see me run to Jesus when I mess up, or do they see me cover it up and pretend I'm fine?

Kids need to see that we need grace, too. They need to see that salvation isn't just something we preached once: it's something we live every single day.

When I survived Stage 4 cancer and then a ventilator and medically induced coma from COVID, my family didn't just see me fight physically. They saw me fight spiritually. They saw me weak. They saw me broken. And they saw me hold on to Jesus when I had nothing else to hold on to.

That wasn't the message I wanted to preach. But it was the message they needed to see.

Because if they only see strength, they'll think Christianity is for people who have it all together. But if they see weakness covered by grace, they'll know where to run when they fall apart.

Caught More Than Taught

There's an old saying: "More is caught than taught."

I used to think that was an excuse for lazy parents who didn't want to teach their kids theology. But I was wrong.

It's not an excuse. It's a reality.

You can teach your kids the Bible. You can take them to church. You can give them all the right answers. But if they don't see it lived out in your life, they won't believe it.

They'll see the gap. And they'll walk away.

I've watched it happen too many times. Pastors' kids. Missionaries' kids. Good Christian kids who grew up in church and walked away because what they saw at home didn't match what they heard on Sunday.

And it breaks my heart. Because I know it didn't have to be that way.

What Are We Passing Down?

Here's what I want you to hear: You're passing something down. The only question is what.

Ahaziah inherited his parents' idolatry. He didn't just accidentally stumble into their sin: he learned it. He watched them choose false gods over the true God. He watched them manipulate and control. And when it was his turn to lead, he did the same thing.

What are your kids learning from you?

Are they learning:

• That God is good, or that religion is a burden?
• Is grace real, or is performance everything?
• Is marriage worth fighting for, or is it easier to just give up?
• Is the Bible living and active, or is it just something we talk about on Sundays?
• That church is family, or that church is just an obligation?

If you want to know what you're passing down, look at what you're living. Not what you're saying. What are you living?

Practical Steps: Making the Turn

So how do we break the cycle? How do we make sure we're leaving the right footsteps?

Here are a few things I've had to do:

1. Take an honest inventory.

Ask yourself: If my kids live exactly like I live, where will they end up? Don't sugarcoat it. Be honest.

2. Confess where you've failed.

Your kids need to see you confess your sin: not just to God, but to them. Apologize when you're wrong. Let them see your need for grace.

3. Model love for God and hatred for sin.

Don't just talk about loving God. Let them see you in the Word. Let them hear you pray. Let them watch you worship when no one's watching.

4. Treat your spouse with honor.

Your marriage is the most powerful sermon your kids will ever see. If you want them to have strong marriages, show them what one looks like.

5. Make grace louder than pressure.

Don't let your home be a place where performance is rewarded, and failure is shamed. Let your kids know they are loved: period. Not because they perform, but because they're yours.

6. Point them to Jesus, not to yourself.

You're going to fail. You're going to mess up. When you do, don't try to be the hero of the story. Point them to Jesus. He's the only perfect example.

The Outcome Matters

The outcome of Ahaziah's reign is recorded in 2 Kings 1:18. He fell. He called on false gods. He died in shame.

His life was defined by the footsteps he followed.

And here's the thing: the outcome matters for your kids, too.

I don't want my kids to look back on their childhood and remember a dad who preached grace but lived pressure. I don't want them to remember a dad who was more concerned with his reputation than his relationship with them.

I want them to remember a dad who loved Jesus, loved their mom, and showed them what it looks like to follow hard after God: even when it's messy.

That's the legacy I want to leave. Not a perfect one. But a grace-filled one.

You Can Make the Turn Today

If you're reading this and realizing you've been leaving the wrong footsteps, I want you to know: it's not too late to make the turn.

Ahaziah didn't have to follow his parents' path. He chose to. And you can choose differently.

You can start today.

Confess where you've failed. Ask for forgiveness. And start walking in a new direction: one that leads your kids toward Jesus, not away from Him.

Because the footsteps you leave today will determine where your kids walk tomorrow.

And that's too important to get wrong.

FAQ: Following the Right Footsteps

What if I've already failed as a parent? Is it too late to change?

It's never too late. Your kids need to see you change, confess, and walk in grace. That's a more powerful testimony than perfection ever could be.

How do I model grace without being permissive?

Grace doesn't mean no boundaries. It means your kids know they are loved unconditionally, even when you have to correct them. Discipline with love, not shame.

What if my children have already walked away from the faith?

Keep praying. Keep living what you preach. And trust that God's mercy is bigger than your failures. Your example today can still make a difference tomorrow.

If this message stirred something in your heart, I'd love to hear from you. You can learn more about my story and ministry at waustingardner.com, or listen to more grace-centered teaching on the Followed by Mercy podcast. And if you need a deeper dive into living free from performance and pressure, check out The Big Leap of Faith: Believing God Loves You Exactly as You Are.