Read these excerpts from a message by Lutzer. Great thoughts. I love the book. It has helped me. i have to examine myself and not be a destroyer.

On the outside, a destroyer may seem charming and helpful. But when the destroyer feels under attack, the person will attack anyone in his or her way. Here are the telltale marks of a destroyer:

• He will threaten and manipulate to protect his plans and interests. 

• He will feel no guilt or sense of wrong for his actions. 

• He will lie to your face. 

• She will wear down your emotions until you feel totally diminished spiritually, emotionally, and at times, physically. 

• She expects others to serve her and resents when they do not. 

• She is sensitive to her own feelings of rejection yet unaware of the pain she causes. 

•  The Destroyer Refuses Counsel

Have you ever tried to reason with a person who is at root a destroyer?

Destroyers are not interested in truth; they are only interested in proclaiming their own version of it. Some destroyers believe that the world should stoop to gladly serve them and their most cherished dreams; others believe that they are God's gift of justice to set things right in this crooked world. So they gladly volunteer their services for the task.

They are not prone to take advice, for no one is wiser than they.

• The Destroyer Avoids Responsibility

A destroyer routinely lashes out at others, while he refuses to own his part in the matter. A destroyer will lie, twist, and distort the truth. At every turn he avoids taking responsibility for his actions and denies the need for mutual accountability.

Destroyers shift blame; they do not take personal responsibility for the evil they perpetuate. Reconciliation with them is, of course, seldom possible.

• The Destroyer Has a Self-Absorbed Life
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The third characteristic of a destroyer is complete self-absorption.

Makes you want to cry for him!

 Erwin W. Lutzer, When You’ve Been Wronged: Moving from Bitterness to Forgiveness (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2007).