Part 2 of a series adapted from Todd Rhoades' 2007 article "The Seven Worst Communication Habits for Church Staff," inspired by Jamie Walters' "The Seven Worst Communication Habits."

Last week I wrote about the first four habits, the ones about how we treat people. These last three go deeper. They are about what is happening inside us when we open our mouths.

5. Not listening

I have sat across from people, nodding along, while mentally writing my sermon. I have caught myself planning my reply instead of hearing their pain. Maybe you have too.

The Bible says, "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (James 1:19).

Poor listening usually is not a skill problem. It is a hurry problem. Or a pride problem. I am already convinced I know what they are going to say, so I stop listening and start loading my answer.

You can spot it easily. The poor listener never asks questions. Or he keeps restating what you said wrong, putting words in your mouth you never said.

What helps: ask one more question than you normally would. Then repeat back what you heard before you answer. You will be shocked how often you had it wrong.

6. Shading the truth

Most pastors would never tell a bald-faced lie. But the little ones? Telling someone the meeting went great when it did not. Telling one story to the deacons and another to the staff. Withholding the part that makes you look bad so people land on your side.

Every time I shade the truth, I am saying I do not trust God with the real story. I am managing my image instead of resting in who I already am in Him.

The psalmist prayed, "Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips" (Ps. 141:3).

What helps: tell the truth kindly, and let God handle the outcome. It is terrifying, and it is freeing. You will sleep better too.

7. Chronic negativity

Some staff meetings feel like a competition to see who can be the most discouraged. Everything is a problem. Nothing will work. And the negativity spreads through the whole team like a cold.

The Bible says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Prov. 18:21).

And, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers" (Eph. 4:29).

I am not asking you to fake it. Negativity usually comes from a tired heart. Bring the tired heart to the Father first. Then bring your words to people.

What helps: before you speak about a problem, ask yourself one question. Am I bringing a solution, or just spreading the weight? Both are honest. Only one helps.

He changes the mouth by filling the heart

Here is what I have learned after all these years. God does not change us by making us feel bad about our mouths. He changes our mouths by filling our hearts.

When you know your Father loves you, listens to you, and delights in you, you stop needing to perform, shade, snap, or sulk. You listen because you are unhurried. You tell the truth because you are secure. You speak life because you are full of it.



So do not start with your habits this week. Start with Him. The rest will follow.