This two-part series adapts Todd Rhoades' 2007 article, "The Seven Worst Communication Habits for Church Staff," which was inspired by Jamie Walters' "The Seven Worst Communication Habits." I use their framework, with thanks. The voice and stories are mine.

A few years ago, I caught myself doing something I didn't like. I scrolled through my recent calls and realized I was asking someone for something in every one of them. A favor. A fill-in. A donation. I had become the guy who only calls when he needs something, and I hated seeing it.

Todd Rhoades wrote years ago about seven communication habits that quietly wreck church staff relationships. I have lived every one of them. Let me walk through the first four, the ones about how we treat people.

1. Only calling when you need something

We all know this person. He surfaces when he is job hunting, when he has a problem, when he needs a reference or an idea. When he doesn't need anything, you don't hear from him. He might not even return your call.

Here is the uncomfortable question. Am I that guy to somebody?

If people only hear from you when you need them to do something for the church, they start to feel used. Not valued. Used.

What helps: this week, call three people and ask for nothing. Just check in. See how they are doing. You will be amazed at what it does to your own heart, not just theirs.

2. Not closing the loop

Someone asks you to find out something. You say you will. Then Sunday comes, then Wednesday, and you never get back to them. They are still waiting. You forgot.

This one seems small. It is not. When you don't follow up, you tell people they weren't important enough to remember.

What helps: keep a short list. When you say "I'll get back to you," write it down and do it that day. People do not need you to be perfect. They need to know they matter enough to get an answer.

3. Not returning calls and emails

This one has my name on it. I have sat down with fifty emails, some a week old, and felt the weight of every unanswered one. It is hard not to fall behind. But every unreturned message is a small withdrawal from your credibility account.

What helps: you do not have to write a novel. A two-line reply works. "Got it. I'll have an answer for you Thursday." That buys trust. Silence spends it.

4. Forgetting basic courtesy

A sharp email. A snub in the hallway. Being short with the volunteer who asks one question too many. Being rude to the person who can do nothing for you.

The Bible says, "Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt" (Col. 4:6).

Here is what I have learned. Most rudeness in ministry is not meanness. It is exhaustion. When my tank is empty, everybody gets the fumes. So the fix is not just "be nicer." It is getting filled up first. Sitting with the Father until your heart is full enough to be kind.

And when you blow it, because you will, go make it right. A quick "I was short with you yesterday, forgive me" heals more than you would think.

Start with the heart, not the habits

None of these four means you are a bad pastor or a bad person. They usually mean you are tired.

The Father is not standing over you with a clipboard, marking your communication errors. He invites you to sit down, get filled up, and let kindness leak out of a full heart instead of forcing it from an empty one.

Pick one of these four this week. Just one. And watch what changes.



Next week: the last three habits, the ones that reveal what is going on inside us.