"And it came to pass after this, that Absalom prepared him chariots and horses, and fifty men to run before him." 2 Samuel 15:1

Fifty men running before him. That is a man building a following, and leaders know the fear. If I raise strong men, will they steal my people's hearts? If I trust staff, will one turn on me?

Many leaders answer that fear by never developing a staff at all. They keep the church small enough to manage, holding every key, making every decision. But it handicaps what God could do. One man was never meant to carry a whole work alone.

These fears are not unfounded. Absalom stood at the gate, heard every man's case, whispered things would be better if he were king, until "Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel." 2 Samuel 15:6

Keep a church manageable by us, or raise strong leaders? Raise them. David's story shows how not to raise an Absalom.

Deal With It While It Is Small

It started before the chariots. Amnon sinned terribly against his sister Tamar. Absalom spoke to Amnon

"neither good nor bad: for Absalom hated Amnon." 2 Samuel 13:22

Silence. David, who could face Goliath, would not face his own son.

First lesson. Take a stand against sin when you see it, while it is small enough to handle. When judgment against evil is delayed, hearts grow fully set on doing evil. Ecclesiastes 8:11: Delayed justice gives sin time to grow roots.

Deal with the little foxes before they do harm. The Song says the little foxes spoil the vines. Ignore a small offense, excuse a small sin, leave a small wound untended, and one day you wake up to rebellion. Jesus said if you are on your way to court, settle it on the way. Do not wait for the courtroom.

Do Not Let a Wall Grow

After Absalom murdered Amnon, he fled, and David let him stay away for years. Distance built a wall, and walls grow bitterness on both sides. David's soul "longed to go forth unto Absalom." 2 Samuel 13:39 He loved his son. But longing is not going. Unexpressed love becomes doubt in the waiting heart. Every unanswered month added another brick to the wall.

Don't let a wall stand, even after failure. Say you love him. A leader who will not say it will watch his silence be filled by another's whispers.

Discipline That Restores, Not Crushes

When Joab brought Absalom home, David made a half-hearted move.

"Let him turn to his own house, and let him not see my face." 2 Samuel 14:24

Back in the city, not back in his father's presence. Close enough to feel rejection, far enough to feel abandoned.

Do not make the discipline too hard. Paul told the Corinthians the punishment was sufficient, but now forgive and comfort him,

"lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow," and "confirm your love toward him." 2 Corinthians 2:7-8

Discipline that never turns to comfort does not restore. It breaks a man, who either leaves or learns to hate.

Forgive, and teach forgiveness, so the root of bitterness does not spring up and defile many. Hebrews 12:15: Bitterness is an unseen root until it springs up and defiles everyone near it. Absalom's bitterness defiled a nation. Forgiveness, given early, pulls the root before it spreads.

Praise Character, Keep Talking, Kiss on Time

Three more warnings follow.

Praise character, not physical characteristics. Of Absalom, it is said there was not a man

"so much praised for his beauty." 2 Samuel 14:25

He grew up admired for his hair, looks, and presence. Praised only for appearance, a man learns to perform rather than be. Praise faithfulness, honesty, heart for God. Those hold a man steady when applause fades.

Keep open lines of communication. Absalom begged for it, telling Joab it would have been better to stay in exile than live this close and never be heard. 2 Samuel 14:32 A man who cannot get an audience with his leader will find one elsewhere, often a crowd at the gate. Keep the door open, even when it is hard to hear.

Don't wait too long to kiss. David finally kissed Absalom (2 Samuel 14:33), but it came after years of silence, exile, and half-measures, and it couldn't undo the waiting. A late kiss is better than none, but not love given on time. Say it early, show it early. Do not make loved ones wait years to know it.

Deal Gently, and Do It Now

When rebellion broke, David gave his generals one order. "Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom." 2 Samuel 18:5 Even then, David's heart was gentle toward his boy. The tragedy is that gentleness came at the end, when it could only grieve, instead of at the beginning, when it could have healed.

Trouble left unattended did not stop with Absalom. Ziba lied, turned on his master, Mephibosheth, and David believed him. 2 Samuel 16:3: Undealt-with trouble spreads. One man's rebellion teaches another that disloyalty works.

Much of what happened to David could have been avoided had he handled a family problem rightly, at the right moment.

Raise Them Anyway

So here is the answer to the fear we started with. Do not stop raising strong men. Raise them rightly. Deal with sin early. Do not let walls grow. Say your love out loud. Discipline to restore. Forgive, and teach forgiveness. Praise character. Keep talking. Kiss on time. Deal gently, and do it now.

Strong men are not the danger. Undealt-with wounds, unspoken love, and discipline without restoration are the danger. A man who deals honestly, loves openly, and is fully forgiven does not need to steal hearts at the gate.



Raise them anyway. Trust God with the outcome. Deal with the little foxes today, while little, before they steal a kingdom.