R. T. Kendall is right when he says, "Although we often do not see it at first, all of our bitterness is ultimately traceable to a resentment of God."¹Thus, when we forgive others, we must also let go of our bitterness toward God.

Forgiveness is releasing the bitterness in spite of the pain. Don't deny the pain; rather, forgive in the midst of the pain.

Words are the vehicle for both blessings and curses.

Jesus said you counteract lies by expressing truthful words. Bless those who persecute you.

 
You say, "Well, how do we do that?" First, you pray for them a prayer of blessing, not vengeance. Second, you speak well of them both in private and public. No matter how troublesome your enemy there is something good to be said about him.

 Erwin W. Lutzer, When You’ve Been Wronged: Moving from Bitterness to Forgiveness (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2007).

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One acrostic that I have found helpful is built on the word NEED. When speaking to or about another person, ask yourself if what you are about to say will meet their need:

 
• Necessary—Is it necessary to say this?

• Encourage—Will this encourage them? Will it make them feel better?

• Edify—Will it edify? Will what you say build them up and make them stronger?

• Dignify—Will it dignify that person? Jesus treated other people with a sense of dignity.

 
Criticism that is either unfair or unjust, even if it is true, should not be uttered. The fact that what you would say is true does not necessarily make it right to say. Often Satan’s accusations are true; he is an expert at being a judge. He is even called “the accuser of our brothers” (Rev. 12:10). You may be pointing your finger and speaking words of truth, but you may unwittingly be an instrument of the devil as you speak.

God could throw the book at me at any time. But He won’t—that is, unless He sees me pointing my finger at somebody else. Then God will say, “Sorry about this, RT, but I must step in and deal with you. You should know better.” God Himself will see that I am judged if I judge others.

 R. T. Kendall, Total Forgiveness: When Everything in You Wants to Hold a Grudge, Point a Finger, and Remember the Pain - God Wants You to Lay It All aside (Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2010).