Not a king, not a pauper, and never at the cost of your family.

The lifestyle of the church planter is a question every missionary faces sooner or later. It is often a critical issue when missionaries from advanced, industrialized nations go to work in poorer nations. Sending churches often expect their missionaries to live at a level somewhat like home. The missionary's physical and mental well-being should be respected. It is only natural for a missionary to keep living at a level close to what he is used to, if he can.

That level may be above many of the people around him. There are those who live in such luxury that the national Christians are right to complain about it. There should be a happy medium, one that does not hinder the ministry.

It is not good taste for a missionary to seek to live like a king in any land. But it may be just as harmful for him to make himself live like a pauper on purpose. When it comes to acceptance, the heart and attitude matter more than lifestyle.

Be Who You Are

If an average American went to Manila to plant churches, people would expect him to be himself. He is seen as an American, so the Filipinos expect him to live on an American economic level. For him to consciously and plainly stop being an American would be artificial. If his heart is right with God and filled with love for the Filipino people, he can minister well and stay himself.

If he decides to become fully like the people at a lower economic level, he may sell his car, move into a house without screens, and eat rice three times a day. What will the people think of him? They will think he has lost his mind and has poor judgment. To give up what everyone else is working for does not make sense to them. He becomes artificial, and he talks down to them without meaning to.

We also forget something when we talk about becoming like the people. In many places, such as Manila and other cities in poorer countries, there are masses of people who are not poor and homeless. Manila is jammed with automobiles, most as nice as the ones missionaries drive, and many much nicer. Multitudes live at the same level as the average pastor in the United States. Affluent neighborhoods exist that a missionary could never afford to rent or buy. These, too, are Filipinos we must be able to identify with. Southeast Asian countries are filled with the latest electronic inventions and gadgets, brought in from America and Japan or made in the local economy.

Becoming like the people should not automatically mean doing without or living on a low economic level. There are those who say a missionary must become fully un-American. It is not wrong to be a healthy American. It is not something to be ashamed of.

What About Jesus?

But what about Jesus? Did He not empty Himself? For sure He did. But you can count on this: He never forgot who He was, and where He came from, and who His Father was. He did not cut ties with His homeland and His Father. He came to a foreign and different land. He adapted. He lived within the culture, but He stayed in touch with His heavenly home and His Father.

That is the pattern. Adapt, but do not forget who you are. Live among the people, but stay close to the Father.

Two Extremes to Avoid

There are extremes to avoid. One extreme is trying to over-identify, to become fully one with a strange culture. That is not normal.

Some years ago an anthropologist from the University of the Philippines spoke at a church planters' conference. He told about a missionary in the far northern part of Luzon who felt he must fully identify if he was to be effective. He took off his Western clothing, put on a g-string, and went about being one of the people. They thought he had lost his mind. They forced him to leave the country. That is a foolish extreme, and it loses respect. People expect us to be who and what we are, and to love them as they are, where they are.

Trying too hard to identify is not always healthy, either physically or spiritually. What about seeking to fully identify with a culture when it goes against the Bible? Lack of discipline is one of the greatest problems. If a man must fully identify, he will stop disciplining his children, because in many cultures children are not disciplined the way the Bible says they should be. Proverbs says it again and again: if you never discipline a child, you do not love him. What about the church planter who must fully identify with and adopt the thought patterns of a nation that fails to discipline and control its children? You could go on and on to the point of the absurd, even to a very non-Christian lifestyle.

The only lifestyle the planter must be fully committed to is the lifestyle of Jesus Christ, and that applies mainly to His spiritual life. It does not mean we are to wear His kind of clothes, or have His hairstyle, or wash feet every time we enter a home. The more we identify with His essential person, the more effective the church planter will be.

Does this mean we are to be indifferent to the new culture and the people around us? Of course not. We must work to identify with the culture and understand it. The "ugly American" has no place in Christian ministry anywhere in the world.

The Other Extreme

There is the other extreme which must be avoided, the living-it-up lifestyle. Common sense ought to be part of the planter. If he lives in the most plush houses and has a chauffeured Mercedes-Benz, he is removing himself from ministering to many people. But if he is ministering only to the wealthy, a lifestyle that matches theirs may not hurt his ministry. Christianity does not teach that one must be poor and destitute to minister well.

One of the most effective church planters in the Philippines is a Filipino who lives in a beautiful marble house and has a chauffeur-driven Mercedes-Benz. His ministry is to Filipinos of all classes, but mainly his church planting is among the lower and lower-middle class. How would his church planting be affected if he announced he was going to move into a nipa hut and trade his Mercedes for a bicycle? It would be a disaster. People would pity him and lose respect for him for making such a foolish decision. Doors would close to many of the poor, and certainly to the more wealthy.

It is not what one has; it is what he does with it. What is in the heart makes all the difference. This same wealthy Filipino has started a church among the poor people living a short distance from his house. He relates well because he loves them. His house is open to them. He holds a Bible study and leadership training in his house once a week. The people come, and they feel at home.

A person can bring himself down to the physical level of the poor on purpose, yet still not minister to them unless his heart is genuine. Physical poverty is not the same as piety.

Do Not Forget the Children

The foreign missionary must remember his children when he is thinking about proper identification. If a missionary could fully take the American out of his children, would he be doing anyone a favor, except feeding his own ego? He may be able to cope, but what about the children? They may do very well until they go back to the homeland they were taught to forget. They still have a spark of the American in them, but they do not fit into the culture. They are torn between two cultures, one of which they left behind in that foreign land. They do not really belong anywhere. That leaves them very open to drifting with others who feel they do not belong.

Because of this, many missionary kids feel more at home with foreigners who have come to the United States, or with minority groups, or even with social misfits who drift outside what is accepted. The adjustment is even harder for them back in the United States when they see the plain lack of commitment among nominal Christians. That lack of commitment stands in sharp contrast to the commitment among new believers in cultures where following Christ is unpopular and often costly. It leaves missionary kids disappointed, and sometimes disillusioned.

It is often a hard adjustment, even for the best-prepared missionary kid. Why, in the name of ministry, should parents make it tougher?

While the children must be allowed to remain Americans, the parents have the job of teaching them to tear down unhealthy nationalistic walls. It is not unusual for children to grow up resenting a foreign culture when it lacks basic discipline and morals. Somehow, the missionary kid must be taught to respect and love every nationality despite cultural differences. There should be a home where the children can spend time with national children and grow to love them, building deep friendships. Children should not be kept fully away from foreign culture, nor overly protected from it.

How can the church-planter family prepare the children to return to their native culture at college age? First, the values of the Christian home must be a part of the child's upbringing. The child must know that dad and mom will not sell him down the river in the name of Christian service, even church planting. The saying is true: no success makes up for failure in the home. The saddest words ever to come from a missionary kid's lips are, "My parents never had time for me; they were always doing 'God's work.'" The Bible says the man, even a missionary, who does not properly care for his family is worse than an unbeliever.

 "But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel" (1 Timothy 5:8).

Second, the child's values and loyalty to his home country must be taught and strengthened. It is right to remember his homeland's holidays with special celebrations. To know the history of his homeland should be a normal part of his education. Appreciating and respecting his homeland's distinct culture is healthy. A healthy pride in his nationality should be instilled in the child.

A Curse or a Blessing

For the church planter, lifestyle is important. It can be a curse or a blessing. His health- physical, mental, and spiritual- will be affected by how he approaches it. It affects his family, and certainly those he wants to minister to. Some leave the field early because they cannot cope in a different culture.

Nothing helps more than the security of knowing where you come from and where you're going, all in Christ. To be part of the victory march with God in spreading His kingdom, through the birth of church after church, is worth living for. And it is worth doing in a way that keeps your heart right, your family strong, and your eyes on the Father who sent you.