For years, I lived as if God were a celestial accountant. I believed He was sitting at a massive mahogany desk in the clouds, peering over His spectacles and marking down every single one of my failures. If I had a "good" day- meaning I prayed enough, witnessed enough, and stayed out of trouble- I felt like the score was in my favor. But the moment I stumbled, the weight of the scoreboard crushed me.

I know I’m not alone in that. Many of us have spent decades in the "performance trap," trying to earn a smile from a Father who, we were told, was perpetually disappointed. Recently, I had the privilege of sitting down with my friend Steve McVey to talk about this very thing. Steve has a way of cutting through religious clutter with the sharp edge of the gospel, and our conversation centered on one beautiful, liberating truth: God isn't keeping score.

If you are tired of the religious treadmill, this conversation is for you. It is time to step off the track and realize the game was won long ago.

The Exhaustion of the Scoreboard

When Steve and I started talking, we both laughed at how much energy we used to waste trying to be "enough." I spent over 50 years in ministry, and for a long time, I thought my value was tied to how many churches I planted or how many countries I visited. However, God’s love was never a reward for my productivity.

Steve pointed out something profound: most believers live in a state of spiritual exhaustion because they are trying to manage a "state" that God has already declared "finished." We think that if we do better, God loves us more. Conversely, we fear that if we fail, He pulls back. This creates a divided view of God: a Father who is sometimes gracious and sometimes a demanding judge.

But Jesus perfectly revealed the Father. When you look at Jesus, you don't see a scorekeeper. You see a Savior who seeks out the broken, the "canceled," and the failed to tell them they are already loved.

Specifically, we have to move away from the idea that we are servants auditioning for a role and realize we are children resting in a union that cannot be broken.

Austin Gardner, missionary, author, and speaker on mercy and grace.

Redefining Love: 1 Corinthians 13

One of the most powerful moments in our conversation was when we looked at 1 Corinthians 13. We often hear this chapter at weddings, read as a list of things we should do to be more loving. But what if this chapter isn't just a command for us? What if it is a description of the very nature of God?

As Steve and I talked, we realized that since God is love (1 John 4:8), everything said about "charity" in this chapter is actually a description of God’s heart toward you. When you replace the word "charity" with "God," the scoreboard finally disappears.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5 “God suffereth long, and is kind; God envieth not; God vaunteth not himself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave himself unseemly, seeketh not his own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;”

Think about that last phrase: "thinketh no evil." In the original language, that is an accounting term. It means "to keep a record" or "to calculate." If God thinks no evil toward you, it means He is not keeping a ledger of your sins. He isn't holding a clipboard. He isn't waiting for you to mess up so He can deduct points. Consequently, you can finally breathe. You can stop looking at the scoreboard because, in Christ, the scoreboard has been taken down.

Rest Doesn't Come After You Fix Yourself

I often tell people that rest isn't the reward for a job well done; it is the starting point of the Christian life. Meanwhile, the world and much of "religion" tell us the opposite. They tell us that we have to work hard to achieve a place of peace. However, the New Covenant flips the script.

Because of the finished work of Jesus, you are already accepted. You are already righteous. You are already "enough." Therefore, your obedience doesn't earn God's love; it flows from the security of already having it. I’ve learned this through the hardest seasons of my life: through Stage 4 cancer, through COVID, and through the pain of being canceled by those I thought were friends. In those moments when I had nothing left to "give" or "do" for God, I discovered that I was still being held.

If you are struggling to believe this, I want to encourage you to read The Big Leap of Faith. It’s a resource I put together to help you understand that God loves you exactly as you are, not as you should be.

Identity Before Behavior

A major takeaway from my chat with Steve was the priority of identity. Most religious systems try to change your behavior to fix your identity. They say, "If you act like a good Christian, you will be one." But the gospel says, "Because you are a child of God, you will begin to live like one."

God’s mercy is not trailing behind you with conditions. It is running toward you with intention. When you realize that God isn't keeping score, you no longer have to hide your messes. You can bring them to Him, not to be judged, but to be covered. As I often say, loved people become loving people. When the pressure to perform is removed, the power to truly change is finally released.

I’ve spent the last few years focused on this message of grace and mercy. I’ve realized that my 50+ years of ministry were often fueled by a fear of "losing" God’s favor. I don't want that for you. I want you to know the rest that comes from union with Christ. If you want to dive deeper into these truths, I’ve curated a Resource Library filled with books and teachings that emphasize grace over performance.

Final Assurance: You Are Not Being Graded

As Steve McVey so beautifully puts it, the Christian life was never meant to be powered by fear or pressure. It was meant to be lived from being loved first. You are not behind. You are not being graded. You are being held by a Father who is patient, kind, and who "thinketh no evil" of you.

So, take a deep breath. Close the ledger. Walk away from the mahogany desk and the spectacles of the "scorekeeper." Your Father is not measuring your worth by your consistency. He is measuring your worth by the blood of His Son, and that score is already perfect.

Stay in the rest. Stay in the grace. And remember, you are followed by mercy every single day.

Join the Journey

If this message of grace resonates with you, I invite you to subscribe to the Followed by Mercy Medium letter at https://medium.com/followed-by-mercy. Each week, we explore what it looks like to live free from the performance trap and rest in the finished work of Jesus.

FAQ: God and the Performance Trap

Does God get angry with me when I sin?
God’s anger toward sin was fully satisfied at the Cross. Because you are in Christ, God sees you through the lens of Jesus' righteousness; He is not a "scorekeeper" waiting to punish you, but a Father walking with you through the consequences of life with grace and mercy.

How do I stop feeling guilty all the time?
Guilt usually comes from focusing on your performance rather than your identity. When you realize that "God thinketh no evil" and is not keeping a record of your failures, you can shift your focus from what you’ve done to what Christ has already finished for you.

If God isn't keeping score, why should I try to live a holy life?
We don't live holy lives to get God to love us; we live holy lives because He already does. Real transformation flows from being loved, not from the fear of being "canceled" by God. Obedience is a response of gratitude to a Father who has already given you everything.

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